Ann Hepburn, Not All There

I understand the desire to be unique, to accessorize and make your vehicle your own, I really do. I myself have a butterfly sticker on the front window of the car. The truck accessory business for instance is a huge market each year, with reported revenue of billions of dollars in the industry. Things like vent visors, bug deflectors, window tinting, tonneau covers, steps, hitches etc…However there is an accessory that just totally offends me. Truck Nutz, Truck Ballz, Bulls Balls, Big Boy Nuts, call them what you want, but they are just so inappropriate.

I see them dangling from the rear bumper of pick up trucks sometimes, and think what the heck? For those of you lucky enough to have never seen them, they are a representation of the male testicles, in funky colours, swaying freely from the hitch or bumper of a pickup truck. The first question is why? The second question is what should I tell my eight-year-old niece when she asks what they are?

I have never seen a female reproductive organ dangling from an automobile, and do not expect to see one anytime soon. I have never seen a big pair of breasts glued to the front of a soccer mom’s van. So tell me, why is this necessary?

I am open minded, pretty liberal, in for a good laugh, but really? Are these people so insecure in their manhood that they feel it necessary to hang their genitalia out the back of their truck. And what about the Mrs? How do you think she feels driving into town to get the groceries, or take the kids somewhere with a big set hanging off the bumper of the truck?

There are laws in this country that allow both men and women to walk around topless, although it has not caught on with the ladies, no kidding really – I personally think the equally should never have been questioned, we could if we wanted too, but could you imagine the traffic accidents?

I understand that men have some issues with their personal parts, some lack of confidence, some pride maybe, but really, no one cares. I personally try my very best each and every day to ensure all the tasty bits are in fact fully covered before leaving the house.

Really, let’s be totally honest, there are several parts of the body which are much more appealing to look at. Also if any of your body parts are suddenly red, blue, pink, or chromed, you should seek medical advice immediately! Please, please I beg of you, the only nuts I want to see on your truck are the lug nuts!